I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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