he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
