If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
