im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
