my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
