I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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