I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
