I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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