Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
