I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
