I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
