when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
