I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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