he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
