My hand turned me down
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
