come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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