You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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