i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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