Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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