how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
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Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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