and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize