my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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