We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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