I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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