There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
