dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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