so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
