you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
