great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
