we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
