I look better un-naked...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize