I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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