Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
