how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
