I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
