Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
