did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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