This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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