Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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