Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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