Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
