i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
