Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
