Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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