i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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