I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
