im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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