hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
