what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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