Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
