Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
