pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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