We're like a lot better than the average bears
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
