i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
