I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
