thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
