I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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