I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
