I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
