Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this boner is exhausting
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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