My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found puke in my bra..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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