So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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