3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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