I'm gonna have a badass scar
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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