Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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