I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
