yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
