How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
