I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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