Whod you bang
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
