She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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