You work out of a Hotel?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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