Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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