Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
